Mainly in the hope that I can force myself out of the rut I've gotten myself into.
I don't ride my bike enough, I eat too much, and I just think about all the things I should do to change my life with positive effect. I always knew I was a thinker, not a doer. But that has to change!
62 is old enough to finally grow up, and get on the right track at work, home and at play.
Just three weeks ago, I had to have my works medical, because I'm now over 60 I have to have medicals every two years. The good news is I had a "pass", meaning I meet the criteria to do my job. I'm flexible enough, both my eyesight and hearing are adequate, blood pressure etc., are fine. But "pass", and by the way, that is the only word used, whether you are super fit or just above the required standard. Now I know full well I'm not super fit, but was really deflated when the nurse said pass. I was more than a little peeved with her already, her comments such as " we're 62 now are we?...", "we can't expect to be as flexible, it's an age thing....", and so on. I'd never considered my "age" before, but her attitude made me feel senility had already set in. But hopefully, her condescension has given me a wake up call, to get on with things, important things, like getting out of this rut I'm in.
When I look at my particular rut, I see an all too comfortable comfort zone that I've become ensconced in. Nobody else put me there, I did it all by myself. I'm ashamed to say.
Life is good, no matter those constant worries in the background, always somewhere in my thoughts. I've got a good job, great wife, three well turned out grown up sons, a comfortable home, enough money for us all to live in comfort. But that isn't enough.
I restarted cycling seven years ago, I was 17 stone 10 pounds. In two years that dropped to 16 stone dead, so for the last five years, confirmed in my medical, that weight has remained static. At five foot seven inches, that makes me morbidly obese. What's unbelievable, is I've allowed that situation to continue for five long years. To say I feel great in myself, as I've done all through those years, has simply been a lie to myself. I only have to look at myself in the mirror, or catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window, for the truth to hit me between the eyes............. I'm a very fat man.
That very fat man, has always wanted to be a slimmer version of himself, but has been too weak to actually do something about it. Yes, getting on the bike, and persisting with it through all the flat tyres, and especially the jibes of my colleagues, was a wonderful achievement, but seven years on, I should have done so much more. According to medical averages I should be a maximum of 11 stone 7 pounds. Now I don't believe that the medical profession has nailed down the correct height weight ratios for adults, but I reckon I should be 12 stone at most.
It's shattering to realise that, that is a massive four stone, i.e., 56 pounds, or in old money, half a hundred weight of spuds, I'm carrying around with me, when I don't need to.
That can't be good for me, as nursie would say, "at your age". It isn't good for what I see in the mirror, and most definitely is not good for those viewing this body of mine. Suddenly, I feel quite sorry for that nurse.
What is wrong with me?
Simple, I eat far too much!!!
I've got to take action, and do something about this. As they say in that dreadful workspeak, you know those words such as empowerment, taking responbility , and being accountable. Does that mean I would have to give myself a good talking to, or even a slap if I go off course? That sounds inane, but how can I find the self discipline I need so desperately?
I'm on a mission to get this done, I think a good time to start is now! No chinese takeaway tonight then, and just a bottle of Magners while I surf the net for some advice, encouragement and realistic guidance.
And so it begins.......